The medical practice that I work for had their Christmas Party("Holiday Party"-but that's a whole other story!) last night. I always enjoy them. It is a fun time with people that I love working with and who have become genuine friends of mine. Last year for the party I was asked to write something using "Twas the Night Before Christmas" as the theme. I wrote a parody using the basic rhyme of the story but changing it to go along with an emergency in the medical office.
This year I had the pleasure of offering the prayer at the party and I was also asked to write a little something again. I used the Medical Office theme and wrote about a view of the waiting room from a grouchy old woman's perspective. I recited it in costume and with a cranky east coast accent. It might not make much sense to you if you have never worked in a medical facility but for those who are curious, here it is:
THE WAITING ROOM by Carla Hampton
I'm finally here, the traffic was awful;
the likes of which should be unlawful.
I know I'm 20 minutes late
but I sure hope they don't make me wait!
I'm sick you know and must be seen
I'm pretty sure it is my spleen.
I think I should just take a seat
I really need to rest my feet.
All around here there is coughing
Catching something's in the offing
Coughing, chilling, gasping, wheezing
Watery eyes, sore throat and sneezing.
While sitting here in the waiting room....
"What's that I smell, Is that perfume?"
It doesn't take scientific theory
To see that I am sick and weary.
Sweating, Feverish, ears a ringing
Chest congestion, eyes a tearing.
I've been sitting here for one whole second
Waiting for my name to be beckoned.
What's taking so long? I must be next
Why's that guy looking at me so vexed?
I GOT HERE FIRST...DON'T EVEN THINK!
You can't go next so stop with the wink!
I could have the Asian flu, H1N1, Pneumonia too!
What's that you say???? I NEED TO CHECK IN?
My patience now are wearing thin!
I.D.???---"Are you kidding me?"
I've been a patient years, you see!
Insurance Card? It is the same!
Why nothing's changed, except my name!
You need my money now, you say?
My Insurance has, NO CO-PAY!
You need all my information?
Now you've added to my frustration!
How much longer will it be?
I have places to go and people to see.
"I hate to tell you this, Mrs Smith.
Your appointment was on December 5th!"